evolving,carnival roadtrip...

Thursday, March 23, 2006

I statements

I've been in a funk. The honeymoon is over with this move. My marriage has been at a low point. I've had a family crisis. I'm a food addict. I'm worried about Hamish and his school. I hate my kitchen in this rental. I miss Austin. I miss my friends. I want a job, but am scared. So... there you have it. The venting, the purge. I worry to much about being witty and smart on this blog when I really just need to write. Fuck it.How do you deal with disappointment? By forgivness and gratefullness. I am grateful to have this adventure. Some people never move or experience living in another state. I am grateful that we did it, are doing it. I do love the area and the experiences I get to have for myself or with my family. We did it and are not finacially ruined. We sold our house in Austin and now are on our way to financial security. We are debt free!!!! Yeah!!!! We owe nothing to nobody!!!! We even own our cars!!!! We even have a CD. This is really big. I came from simple beginings and I was a classic american thinking debt was a way of life. Suze Orman would be proud. Heck I'm proud.I'm grateful to have faith in my husband and our commitment to each other and Hamster. On March 27th we celebrate 7 years!!!! We will make it!! It's a dip in the roller coaster but we will turn it around to head to the top again. I am grateful that my mom and dad are strong ,supportive parents. Finally!!!! We, as a family are close, even though it doesn't always feel that way. And we will make it through this last crisis dealing with my brother. I am so proud of my parents rallying together for support and working as a team even though they have been divorced for almost 25 years! I wish my dear,sweet brother rocovery and success! I'm trying to be grateful for resources for my addictions. I'm still pissed I have to wear my addiction every day. I tried to see a new therapist, she sucked. So, I'll keep trying. My insurance won't pay for the intensive obesity treatment. This reeally pisses me off since they will pay for lab test, medications and care for obesity related problems. God forbid we try to be proactive in our wonderfull medical carein this country. I'm grateful that Hamish is only in kindergarten, not Harvard, and he only has a few more months. I miss the snugginess of Primavera Montessori with the wonderful teachers, incrediable parent involvment and the organic garden to forage snacks from. He is smart and will survive. I'm grateful that I have a kitchen. Better yet, I'm grateful to walk out of the kitchen into the dining room which has my new dining table and chairs. We were in a bijoux bungelow in Austin with no room for a big table. Statistics show kidds do better in school, stay off of drugs and lead happy healthy lives when they sit down at the table for dinner. Oh the joy!!! It's not the expensive Tuscan one I wanted from a cute shop in Hayes Valley. But I'm on a learning curve of spiritual enlightenment and it doesn't matter what the table looks like as long as I have my family gathered around it. How many of ya'll can recall times when your extended family was gathered around the table, drinking coffee, laughing at family stories and watching others pick at the left overs? At the time, I knew it was special but never imagined it ever ending. Hamster just woke up...on to mommy duties. More later.


Blogger Mary Tsao said...

What an amazing turnaround. See, writing can improve your outlook and mood -- I just witnessed it while reading your post!

I'm feeling bogged down with my personal issues lately, too. Maybe it's the rain. Ya, that's it. Blame it on the rain.

I'm with you on that learning curve to spiritual enlightenment and also about eating together as a family. Yes! I have those memories and their some of the best ones I have of family life. I'm excited to give my children memories like those.

4:10 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

that was great! loved the pictures hammish is growing up fast I have always been in awe of your mommy abilities. Im glad things are loking up out tere in CA so did you meet new friends at the weekend? It's springtime in IA which is my favorite time I feel great and new.

1:35 AM  
Anonymous daronharmening said...

The anonymous was me I it clicked Daron

1:39 AM  

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